Very awake...Horrible tots kept bursting in my head.

Can't sleep. Must be the cold coffee I'd at Prego. Didn't add any sugar, so it tasted quite potent. My body is tired but my mind is not. A break for me yet seem so stressful. My heart felt heavy and I feel nausea and a tint of sadness too. Who can I talk to at this time of the night? Not S. I've been bothering her rather often lately. Not J. It will just sadden me more. Not him too. I will not text him again or even try to call (in fact, I will never call him again). It has been more than a year, yet the comment made by his dad on me kept ringing in my ears. "My dad is so right about you, you will only give me more stress instead of helping me." It is heartbreaking to hear such a comment from my former bf's dad when I always show my respect for him. Deep down in his parents' hearts, I know I am never good enough for their son, no matter how hard I try. My parents will never make such a statement of my siblings' other half. I feel so blessed to have such wonderful and self-sacrificing parents. I am terribly sorry that I am such a lousy fit for him. It was a mistake right from the start. Yes, a big fat one. Maybe I thought I am in an exclusive relationship but maybe not. I should be a lawyer or banker. Banker is better because they earn much more than a lawyer. Where do I fit in then? In a league of my own.