Departure

I can only bury my face in tears, nothing but tears. I need a comfort hug badly but I couldn't find any. My mum told me that my grandma will depart from our lives soon, in another month's time. My grandma is bedridden, always sleeping away regardless the time of the day. I've yet to tell her how much I love her, I really do. If I don't start telling her my love for her and how much I adore her, I know I will end up regretting for the rest of my life. And I am fully aware that she will not be able to say that she love each and every grandchild , her sons and daughters but I know she wanted to so much. I always hear how my elder brother would find my grandma crying away on a few rare occasions when he paid a visit to her during the time she was hospitalised. Why is my grandma having such a hard life when she has contributed so much to her family? She is so in pain but she can't scream or moan. Will my dad be able to accept the reality when the time comes? I do not know. I know I will collapse in tears. Call me a weakling. Yes, I am. I will keep on crying till I can't cry no more. My eyes hurt now but I couldn't put a halt to my tears.

H asked me a few days ago if I will cry for him should he die. I kept quiet because it was taboo to ask such a question about death and he thought that I won't cry for him. Yes, I will cry for you should you depart from my life forever even if no one else did. Memories of you, your unique smell, presence will be kept safely in my special safe where only I have the key to unlock it.